I did it....

I went ahead and auditioned for that play.  I had a very strong audition and felt very confident about what role I would get.  The second round of auditions came and I knew I wouldn't get the part I wanted because a friend auditioned much stronger.  In the end?  So glad I didn't get that part!

The rehearsal process started in September and we opened in October.  Wow.  It was a lot of work!  I'm really glad that I did it, it was amazing being back on stage.  I didn't realize how much I had missed it!  I'll audition for something else soon....

It was a lot of work that's for sure.  There were times I wasn't sure I was going to make it!  I'm in school full time, have 2 small children at home, plus the struggles of getting a business off the ground.  Sheesh!  Not sure where I thought I'd have the time to be in a show, too...but I did it, it's over and I'm happy that I had the experience.  I'm currently helping build costumes for the local High School's production of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe so once that opens, my life will be FREE!  And hopefully sometime in there I can squeeze in this novel I'm working on for NaNoWriMo.  Yeesh.

Over here!!

I guess I kinda fell off the map, didn't I?

Well, I'm BACK!  For who knows how long.  :)  I tend to be sporadic with blogs, but there it is.

Here's what you can expect moving forward -

Book Reviews.  I read.  A Lot.  I like to talk about books.
Rants.  I'm a person.  It happens.  Deal with it.
Raves.  See above.

I'm a gamer who is working in theater and hoping to audition for a show while being a stay at home mom who is helping write and publish novels and doing some media marketing on the side when I can fit it in around laundry.  Yup.

All right chums, let's do this....

She's Here!

Sophia Morgan was born at 1:34pm on Friday July 27, 2012.  She weighed 7lbs 14.5oz and was 19" long.  She had (and has) a head full of beautiful black hair.

This pregnancy had been a lot harder on me than my pregnancy with my son.  The pelvic pain, insomnia and mood swings made this pregnancy seem a lot longer and harder.  I had even had irregular contractions for what seemed like years; one night was bad enough that I roused my husband out of bed and he drove us to Labor & Delivery - and my hospital was 45+ minutes away!  So when I went in for my regular appointment at 40 weeks and the doctor asked my thoughts on induction, I half-jokingly replied "Can we do it today?"  She smiled and said no, but we could schedule an induction for Friday.  SWEET, I thought.  I gave her the go ahead and I was able to schedule an 8pm induction for Friday.  Today was Wednesday.  So I had just a couple more days and my little princess was being evicted!

Thursday I was doing some last minute shopping with my mom and gathering up the last of the things I wanted and needed when the doctor's office called and said they could get me an earlier appointment and did I want it?  I discussed it with my husband and we decided to go for it.  So we rescheduled for 7:30am on Friday.  Holy moly!

So I spent the last few hours of my pregnancy enjoying some quiet time with my husband, son and mother.  I was having irregular contractions again, but they'd never been a sign of anything and at my appointment the day before, my doctor had said there was no progression.  She even whipped out the ultrasound machine to make sure my girl was head down, since my cervix was so incredibly far back.

I got up to pee about 4-5 times and at 1:30am, my eyes popped open and I shot out of bed, intending to run to the bathroom.  I never made it that far.  I stood by my bedside and just gushed.  This was the second time I had felt a gush like this during this pregnancy and the first time my water hadn't broken.  This time, something felt different.  I managed to wake up my husband, get to the bathroom and put on a Depends diaper (so handy for that post partum bleeding, let me tell ya).  When I got back, I flipped on the light to clean up and noticed my mucus plug was everywhere.  This was the real deal.  The contractions were kicking in hard core.  It was time.

We managed to get things decently cleaned up, woke up my mother and loaded up our little car.  My husband had gotten just enough sleep for it to hurt to be awake so we ran through the Starbucks drive thru for some black coffee....we had a nice long drive ahead of us. We talked and laughed and rolled with the contractions and I tried my best to handle the gross feeling of the gushing with contractions.

We arrived and got checked in by 3am.  By 5am, the doctor wanted to go ahead and start me on pitocin.  My nurse was in a delivery, so we ended up getting a different nurse who started the pitocin at 6am.  At 7am, the shift changed and I ended up with another new nurse.  This would make 4 in as many hours.  I had wanted to go as natural as possible but I also didn't want to be stuck in a bed all day so I had agreed to the pitocin and when it really hit, I was ready for an epidural!  It was placed quickly and my nurse, Kay, informed that if we had waited any later, it might have been hours before I got the epi, as the anesthesiologist was going to be in the OR.

Things were going swell for a few hours.  I got a bit of sleep, my husband got some sleep, things were progressing....and then the epi stopped working.  Right in the middle of a section of contractions that were non-stop.  It was some of the most painful moments of my life.  I have no idea how long it lasted, but I know that I nearly broke my husband's hand.  I was screaming for dear life and sobbing....When alerted, my doctor actually called for them to give me a shot to STOP my contractions.  They managed to get a second epi placed and while I still felt everything, it wasn't as though I was being ripped into shreds.

I started alerting the nurse that I was seriously needing to push around 12:30.  At 1, the doctor came in and agreed that it was time to start pushing.  I think at this point I was just plain slap happy.  So when the nurse called to me "Push like you're really constipated!" I burst out laughing.  Which of course made Sophia's head move a little closer.  The doctor and the nurse laughed, saying that evidently laughing worked for me.  I continued to push and watch as much as I could in the mirror above my head.  Towards the end, I again busted out laughing.  This time, the doctor looked at the nurse and said, mid push, "did you guys get new badges?"  I laughed and then saw the most beautiful sight...my little girl's head of black hair crowning.  One more push and she was out!

My darling husband was able to cut her cord and she was quickly checked out and brought back to me.  She started nursing immediately and was a champ at it.

Meeting her brother was an incredible experience.  He came up to visit with my mom and just thought she was the bees knees.

Spontaneous

Having 2 small children is a lot of fun but it's also a lot of work.  Over the course of the last 3 years, I've lost pieces of myself.  I've found a lot more but there are times when it is so exhausting to be a mom that I just shut down.  At the end of the day, there is no time left for me or the things that I want to accomplish, be it chores or just fun stuff, like scrapbooking or heck, even reading a book!

My husband struggles with the same issues.  I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home mom which makes the financial woes a little more but there are infinitely more rewards to it.  But sometimes, we all get stuck in the mud.  We can't see our way out of it.  We see the dreams and hopes we had crashing down around us.  We start to see only the bad and forget all the wonderful things we have going for us.  That's when I know it's time for us to get out of dodge.

This past week just worked out so that Josh had one day off, one day on, one day off and then a late shift.  Where we are in Ohio, it's only about an 8-9 hour drive to the ocean.  Me being me, Josh's schedule and our bleak outlook sparked an idea.  After a bit of discussion and a whole lot of running on my part, Thursday morning saw us off to Virginia Beach.  It took us a heck of a lot longer to get going and a lot longer to get there thanks to 2 small children and some crazy bad rain but we made it.  We camped, played in the ocean, saw parts of the country we'd never seen before....It was amazing.  The car trip back took much longer than getting there had (isn't that always the case??) but in the end, it was incredibly refreshing.

I'm reminded that life takes us down paths we didn't envision but that doesn't make it the wrong path.
I'm reminded that life doesn't have to adhere to a schedule.
I'm reminded that it's okay to rinse off all the sand just to jump right back in it.
I'm reminded that the world is a bright, wonderful place.
I'm reminded that I can be spontaneous, even with small children.
I"m reminded that cutting loose is necessary.
I'm reminded that not everything has to be a huge, expensive production.

Onward and upward.  I've got some novels calling my name.  Have a wonderful day, beautiful people.

Sydney Logan's Mountain Charm

Let's give a round of applause to Sydney Logan for bringing us another awesome work!  Sydney is joining us today on her blog tour for Mountain Charm, the second book in her Appalachian Heart series.  I've got all kinds of things to share with you so please keep reading!!  There's even a giveaway of Mountain Charm at the bottom!



Here's a summary: 

“True love and sweet whispers, till death do us part;

Send someone to love my Appalachian heart.”

At the age of thirteen, Angelina Clark followed in the footsteps of her ancestors by casting an Appalachian love spell, which promised she would blossom into a beautiful and gifted woman who would find her true love. A young Angelina had been thrilled to participate in the sacred ritual, but through the years, her father’s untimely death and her mother’s failing health have shaken Angelina’s magical faith to its core. As her twenty-first birthday approaches, she refuses to practice her supernatural gifts and no longer believes in the love charm.

That is, until Dylan Thomas arrives on her front porch.

Dylan, a Nashville writer, travels to the mountain town of Maple Ridge to unearth the family’s supernatural secrets. While her clairvoyant mother is convinced that Dylan is her daughter’s soul mate, Angelina refuses to see the nosy reporter as anything more than a nuisance.

Despite their constant bickering, sparks fly.

Dylan admits he feels strangely drawn to Angelina and is in no hurry to leave Maple Ridge or publish his magazine article. Fearful that his emotions are being influenced by the spell, a stubborn Angelina struggles to fight her own budding attraction to the reporter.

The two inevitably grow closer just as her mother’s health begins to deteriorate, and Angelina is faced with the possibility of selling the family’s music shop to pay the mounting medical expenses. Desperate to help the woman he loves, Dylan explores his own family tree and finds support from an unlikely source. Can he finally prove his love is real—spell or no spell?

A story filled with love, friendship, family, and just a hint of Appalachian magic, Mountain Charm will leave you spellbound.

A little bit about Sydney:

Sydney Logan is an Amazon bestselling author and holds a Master’s degree in Elementary Education. With the 2012 release of her first novel, Lessons Learned, she made the transition from bookworm to author. Sydney has a very unhealthy obsession with music, and her iPod is filled with everything from Johnny Cash to Eminem. She is also the author of two short stories: “Mistletoe Magic,” available exclusively on Amazon Kindle, and “Stupid Cupid,” which is featured in the Romantic Interludes compilation. When she isn't reading or writing, she enjoys playing piano and relaxing on her front porch at her home in East Tennessee with her wonderful husband and their very spoiled cat.

Her second novel, Mountain Charm, is slated for a summer 2013 release.

My take:

Loved this! I had a little bit of a hard time getting into it but once I made it through the first chapter, I couldn't put it down!

The story follows Angelina, a small town girl whose family has always been a little bit strange thanks to the streak of magic in their blood.  At 13, all girls in her family cast a spell that is supposed to bring their soul mate into their life when they reach 21.  In the very beginning, Angelina casts that spell and the first chapter opens on her 21st birthday and who should walk in but a handsome Nashville journalist looking for her.

The following course of events causes Angelina and her new found friend Dylan to question everything they know about, well, everything.  Angelina must come to terms with who she is and what she is capable of.  Dylan must learn to accept the things that he can and cannot change about his whole life and what that will mean for him going forward.

One issue I have with most romance novels that involve magic is that they are incredibly hokey. The magic in books can be a hard pill to swallow....it comes out poorly written and really kills the tone of the book. Sydney NAILS it with this book. Magic is a part of it but it's not in the least bit hokey. Angelina and Celia have magic in their lives but it's not the only thing that defines them. 

The relationships in this book are heart warming and honest. I truly believed every one of them. Sydney is able to capture the essence of an Appalachian mountain community and at no point did I question any of the characters' choices which is a rare thing in a romance novel.

Bravo on another job well written, Sydney! I'm stoked for future works!!

The Fun Stuff:

So you wanna win an ebook copy of Mountain Charm, do ya?  Well, it's simple!

1. Follow my blog! 

2. Go like Sydney's author page on Facebook!   https://www.facebook.com/SydneyLoganAuthor

3. Come back here and comment!

4. DOUBLE entries if you buy any of Sydney's other work and send me a copy of the receipt!

Accepting entries until August 3rd, with a winner to be announced on August 4th!

LINKS!

Lessons Learned on Amazon

Mountain Charm on Amazon

Mistletoe Magic on Amazon

Forces of Nature on Amazon

Romantic Interludes (Romance Series Compilation) on Amazon

Lessons Learned on Barnes and Noble

Mountain Charm on Barnes and Noble

Visit Sydney’s website at www.sydneylogan.com.

Coming soon....

A few years ago, I started reading works by this wonderful woman, Sydney Logan.  While reading some of her unpublished stuff, I learned that she was working on her first novel and was attempting to have it published.  Then she did.  Do you have any idea how cool it is to know someone who is achieving one of their dreams?  And to know that that person really deserves it?  That's Sydney.  Knowing her, I of course jumped to buy her book.  That's what you do for friends.  When they put something out, you buy it to support them.  Know what though?  I actually REALLY loved the book.

Lessons Learned was Sydney's first book.  It completely floored me.  It's about a teacher who moves back to her hometown and gets caught up in the life of a gay quarterback while attempting to put her own life back together.  It's also set in Appalachia.  Holy cow.  I really boiled the book down to one line but there is so much more depth to this novel.  I couldn't put it down and sobbed by the time it was all said and done.  I truly believe that everyone should read it.  You meet characters who are homophobic, some who are not, some who change and some who don't.  It's not a preachy "get on the rainbow bandwagon" book but it does have an amazing message.

Recently, Sydney published her second novel, Mountain Charm.  Again, I raced out to read it.  Again, it didn't disappoint.  A full review of it will be coming soon.

That's really what I'm here to tell you.  On July 29th, I'll be hosting Sydney here as a stop on her Mountain Charm blog tour.  So keep an eye out...I'll be posting an ebook giveaway of Mountain Charm!!

A New Start

When I started this blog, I wasn't really sure what I wanted it to be.  And to be honest, I'm still not sure.  An online record maybe?  Somewhere for my kids to come in later years and read about the crazy train we were riding?

Yesterday, I realized that this blog will be whatever it ends up being.  And I figured this was a good day to get back into my blogging!

I've made the choice to reclaim my health.  I used to be thin and fit.  Post college, post 2 babies, post desk job...I"m not any more.  I'm significantly overweight.  In the next year, I'm looking to drop around 75 lbs.  A good friend of mine turned me onto Jillian Michael's Total Body Revolution.  It's a 90 day program and she went down 6 pant sizes.  It gives me hope.

Since I'm breastfeeding, I can't do the full diet program.  I have to maintain a certain amount of calories so that I'm still making enough milk for my daughter.  So I don't know that I'll lose quite as much as my friend but every little bit helps!

So I'll try and check in every week.  I've done two days of Jillian plus an extra 60 squats today.  when I weighed myself yesterday I was 204.8lbs.  So lets see where I am next week!

Best Apps for a quick mom break

1. Shop Style - FREE Unless you happen to live near the Mall of America, there's no way you could ever get the breadth of stores that ShopStyle has in one place. The app sells everything – clothes, décor, kid and baby stuff, cosmetics, and shoes from stores like Nordstrom, Pottery Barn, Sephora, Banana Republic, Hanna Anderson – plus 300 more. Not only can you order your daughter a cute little dress while she's dozing in the stroller, but you can nab yourself a cute pair of shoes (and a lamp) while you're at it.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

2. Cut the Rope - $0.99 Cut the Rope may not have reached Angry Birdsstatus yet, but it's getting close. This addictive game, mixing strategy and physics (it's not as hard as it sounds), comes as a welcome distraction any time you have a free moment. You wouldn't think that cutting rope would be so entertaining, but it really is!

There's also a free version of the game.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad. (While Cut the Rope isn't available yet for Android, a very similar game called Rope Cut is.)

3. Stanza - FREE We know you don't have as much free time as you did pre-kids, but Stanza lets you keep a library of e-books you can chip away at a few pages at a time. It has more than 50,000 titles – recent bestsellers, classics, even a huge selection of free books. Download a bunch and maybe you'll actually read something other than Goodnight Moon tonight. 

There are several other major e-book apps out there, but we like Stanza for its customizable options, like adjusting page margins, line spacing, and coloring. Hey, if you're going to make time to read, you want it to be just the way you want it, right?

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

4. Long Deep Breathing - $0.99 When's the last time you actually stopped and took a deep breath? It does wonders for your psyche and can help you pull it together when you've got a tantruming toddler on your hands. The app is a simple breathing aid that provides visual cues for inhaling and exhaling. After taking just 10 deep breaths, you'll feel more relaxed and ready to deal with whatever's going wrong – without throwing a tantrum yourself.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad (There's a similar app for the Android called Breathe.)

5. Make Up - FREE Let us guess: Some days you dash out of the house only to grimace when you catch a reflection of your disheveled self later on. But you can do better – even if virtually. Upload a photo of your face and get your eye shadow groove on with the endless colors loaded in this app. Once you've got your look right, it tells you what the exact product is. Now you've got some new items for your birthday wish list.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

6. Pocket Booth - $0.99 Pocket Booth will take you back to your teen years, when you used to squeeze into one of those little photos booths and take goofy pictures with your friends. The app lets you take a photo (or use an existing one from your camera roll) and turn it into a strip of four pictures. Bring your friends down memory lane by e-mailing them a strip or posting it on their Facebook wall.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

7. Tap News - $0.99 Tap News pulls from 18 mainstream news sources, like the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and MSNBC, and feeds them into one place. Most of these news outlets have individual apps, yes, but this is a timesaving way to get up to speed on current events. Because, let's face it, sometimes we want to talk about something other than our kids.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

8. Island Pictures - FREE Dare to dream about an exotic island getaway with your mate. A trip to Tahiti may not be on the calendar, but drooling over Islands magazine's photos of the most beautiful beaches in the world will take you there for a couple of minutes, at least in your mind.

Works on: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad

Daily Musings

Over the last 21 months, I've learned a lot about life.

I've learned that I took for granted the free time I had prior to being a parent.

I've learned that being a stay-at-home mom is a lot of work.

I've learned that being a mom while working full time is a lot of work.

I've learned that I can be lazy.

I've learned that I can be very productive.

I've learned that I have no clue who I am.

I've learned that I really have no idea what I'm doing.

We've been watching Mad Men a lot. We just started Season 4 and I've been really upset that I'm not a Betty Draper. I don't have a neat house all the time. My fridge is usually filled with junk. Of course, I recently reminded myself that Betty does have a maid.

Life has also been extremely adventurous. Just the other day, I decided to write a book about living with a child (soon to be children) 2500 miles away from your family. I decided this book shall be called Adventures in Poop. I mean seriously. Why is there ALWAYS poop involved?! I have many friends who dodge Facebook friends because they are constantly talking about their kids' poop. Or poop in general. Somehow, kids always end up associated with poop!  Whenever my husband comes home, I immediately start on the daily poop updates.  I understand why people who are not parents get bent out of shape because my whole day revolves around poop!  (Sorta...)

I'm getting a hands' on experience on the differences in pregnancies.  When I was pregnant with Orion, I worked full time from home.  It was a very fast paced job that required me to be in front of my computer 40+ hours/week and I was on the phone for a good 30 of that.  I had lots of information that I needed to just be able to call up at any given moment and that's one of the things that made me a valuable employee.  I had a lot of info that I could just summon and I was quick and efficient at paperwork.  I love paperwork.  Seriously.  Working from home allowed me to laze around and I spent many hours watching television or surfing the internet or playing World of Warcraft.  If I needed to sleep, I took a lunch break and slept.  I'd go to bed early and sleep late whenever I could.  If I had an early shift, I'd take a nap and then still go to bed early.

When I brought my son home, I was granted 6 weeks maternity leave (30 business days).  I took those days for granted.  I took for granted when my son was immobile and when he was breastfeeding.  I'd just block him out unless he needed something.  Obviously I kept an eye on him but he was more a part of the furniture than anything else.

The more mobile he got, the harder my job became.  I ended up on anti-depressants because I was having trouble coping with my life.  A full time job, a full time parent, a full time wife and maid and cook?  I mean seriously.  That's way too much for one person to do with no help.  Now, that's not to say that my husband didn't do anything.  He was all of these things too.  But when it's all said and done, where is the personal down time?  It doesn't exist.  Things start slipping.

This second pregnancy is very very much wanted but was as much of a surprise as when I found out I was pregnant with our son.  I panicked because we'd been planning to get an IUD and wait 5 years for another baby and here I was pregnant again.  At least I'd be delivering in September.  Except that we found out I was much farther along than I thought.  I would be delivering at the end of July.  We decided that I should put in my notice for work (my job was pretty specialized and I'd been doing it for 5 years so I gave them 2 months' notice).  My time got cut a month short and I've been a stay at home mom ever since.

But being a stay at home mom isn't easy by any means.  I spend my days chasing my 21 month old toddler who is incredibly active.  If I'm not chasing Orion, I'm trying to do the cleaning and cooking that need to be done.  And I'm exhausted.  I'm 7 months pregnant and all I want to do is sleep.  Everything hurts and it's hurt for far longer than it did with Orion.  I'm contemplating a maternity support belt because wow.  Ouch.

I've learned along the way that I can't stick to some things and others I'm really good at sticking to.  We watch a lot of TV.  I'm tired.  Orion loves Toy Story.  If it's not Toy Story, it's Rio or Little Einsteins or Go Diego Go.  We had Netflix on a PlayStation 3 for awhile so we also watched The Backyardigans or Sesame Street or The Cat in the Hat or Curious George.  He eats more mac and cheese than I ever wanted him to.  And French Fries?  Forget it.  Can't get enough of them.

But ya know something I've learned?  My little boy is happy.  He's healthy.  He smiles and laughs and we have a good time.  I've learned that I've been too plugged in for too long in his very short life.  He'll come running up to me and slam my laptop closed if I've been on it for too long.  So I make sure that I limit my computer time.  My lazing about time.  If we're watching TV, I pull him onto my lap and we talk about what's going on.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the Time Magazine article (what mom hasn't?!) about being mom enough (This is a much much longer blog entry, not for tonight) and you know what it comes down to?  My little boy is healthy and happy and loves me and knows he's loved.  And that's what's important.

Sunshine living

When we first moved to SoCal, I had this vision of how things were going to be.
So far, pretty much nothing has turned out the way I thought that it would.

Now that we've got an (almost) 2 year old and another on the way, I find myself struggling to keep my son engaged and myself from going crazy.  In December, I left my job to be with my son full-time and it wasn't until recently that I realized that what I walked away from was also my adult interaction.  I spent more than an hour on the phone with one of my good friends this past week - and it was the first time I had spoken to an adult besides one of my family members in a very long time.  It felt good.  I felt like I had a real shot at being a human again.

Where does that leave me now?  It leaves me searching.  My son needs friends and interactions that challenge him.  I know every parent says it, but truly, my kid is smart.  He doesn't talk a lot but he's smart.  You can see in his face that he's constantly working out the laws of how our world functions.  Gravity is definitely NOT his friend (sadly, he gets this adorable trait from me).  So I spent a part of my day yesterday researching.

With a baby due at the end of July, I have a hard time plugging into new groups of moms because it takes a lot of energy to meet new people and form friendships.  I just don't have the energy to share with new people and new relationships.

So what have I found?  I found some fun kid friendly places!

Play Town Indoor Playground - http://www.goplaytown.com/general
--Cheaper than some of the other options I've found.  Hoping to check this one out in the next week.

Kidville - http://www.kidville.com
--Also an indoor playground.  Definitely going to check this one out too.

Any other suggestions out there for things to take a very active 2 year old to do that won't require this very pregnant mommy to expend very much energy?

Trucks and Kisses

Yea, I trade Hot Wheels for kisses. You don't?

I had a discussion with a friend who happens to be an Occupation Therapist at a BBQ the other day. During the course of said discussion, she mentioned that my toddler is behind in speaking. He's 20 months old and doesn't say very much clearly. He does say things, they're just not always clear and a lot of it has to be taken in context. She mentioned that we could consider taking him in to see an OT and maybe give him a boost in his speech, or lack thereof.

It got me thinking.

Where does this "kids should be doing X by X" come from? My mother asked her family doctor if Mr. O should be saying more by now and if it was a cause for concern and he says "No, she shouldn't worry. Boys talk later. First children have a time table all their own."

This isn't the first time I've heard that boys talk later than girls. Boys supposedly walk earlier than girls. My son was walking at 8 months. The babbling started around the same time. So what does that mean? I just don't understand where all this "should be" comes from. I'm sure there are studies out there that lay it all out on the table but they're studies. What if they're not accurate? You can find a study that says one thing and then find a study that says the exact opposite. And supposedly 75% of statistics are made up.* So then what? And of course, you hear all the Old Wives' Tales about heartbeats and heartburn, etc. The docs will tell you they're not true. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. According to a pencil trick done by my husband's grandmother, we were only supposed to have one girl. Well, I have a 20 month old that says different. Either that or the whole penis/vagina thing is a scam....

I don't know what I'm getting at here, really. I think I spend 75%** of this pregnancy in a dazed and confused state similar to that of someone in a mental ward. Guess it keeps life interesting for my husband, eh?

*Yea. I made up that number. I worked in market research, people. I know how the numbers work. I did hear that though. That X % of statistics are made up. And it was a higher than 50% number.

**that one is made up too. Sue me. But don't really.

Mommy wow! I'm a big boy now!

This past month has been quite the month!

We're settling into our new place quite nicely and I'm sooo very happy to be on our own. After more than 2 years of having a roommate, it's been super quiet and a little on the lonely side. It'll be very nice once Baby Girl gets here, though. We haven't had to use a baby monitor because our room and our son's room are so close together that we hear him when he rolls over. Which is an exaggeration but you get the picture.

Mr. O has definitely moved to a new stage in life. Last week, when Josh's mom was here, Mr. O decided to show off. He climbed from his crib onto his changing table when she went to get him in the morning. Since he has been attempting to sky dive off that changing table ever since he was 6 months old, we figured it was time to move him to the next stage...Toddler bed! We purchased a mesh guard to go on the front of the bed and started him in it that night.

Don't let ANYONE tell you that transitioning into a toddler bed will be painless. The first night, he got very scared and stood in the hallway screaming. Our house is not very big. It's about 7 feet from his door to our door. Josh's mom called out to him from where she was sleeping on the couch and he was off and running. He finally got calmed down when Josh picked him up and slept the rest of the night with no issues. I got some feedback from some Facebook friends and family and rolled up a blanket to place next to the mesh guard. I have a feeling he was worried because the mesh guard gave when he rolled over into it and it made him feel like he was falling.

Night number 2 was painless. He slept all night.

Night number 3? He was up four times. I'm not sure if he was frightened or if he wasn't feeling well but he refused to sleep.

Night number 4 he was up once and ended up in bed with us because I was too tired to take him back to bed.

Night number 5 he was up twice and the second time he stayed in bed with us.

Night number 6 was last night. Holy moly. He slept until about 3am and then brought the whole house down. Josh attempted to get him to sleep in his bed and he was NOT having it. Josh worked with him for an hour before I went in to relieve him. It took me three tries but I finally got him to sleep and he stayed asleep. He then slept until 7:50. It was awesome.

We're working on breaking all the bad habits we had. It used to be the only way to get him to sleep was to give him a bottle. When we broke him to a cup, it was still rough. He HATES going to sleep so he would get very antsy and put up a huge fight. I walked away with a lot of bruises. Now, he'll go to sleep sitting on the couch, watching TV. The nights he's climbed in bed with us, I've only had to cuddle him and he'd fall right back asleep. Our next step is getting him to fall asleep in his bed with no assistance.

I know people always say you learn what NOT to do with your first kid and while that's true, it's also NOT true. I love how connected we are to each other. He has a very strong bond to Josh and to myself that I wouldn't trade for the world. Do I wish he didn't wake up in the middle of the night and want to snuggle? Sorta...I'd rather he didn't wake up but I know that the snuggling is only going to last for so long. Eventually he's not going to be my snuggle bunny anymore. I'm already sad for when that day comes but that doesn't slow time. I already wonder how in the world we're coming up on his second birthday. It seems like I was just planning his first birthday!

So for now, we're just working through the speed bumps and the crazy and hoping that life will slow down just a little bit so I can smell the roses.

It's a....

Girl!

Thursday was our ultrasound for gender and we were (not so) surprised to learn that we're having our girl! We've known it was a girl pretty much from the start. Everything is a 180 from my pregnancy with O. I'm much more hormonal, eating a lot more, showing earlier, etc. Everything is so different. It was just awesome to have that confirmed!

This may be our last baby. I know it will be for awhile. In some ways, that's disappointing but in others, it's a major relief. This pregnancy has been a lot harder on me physically and emotionally so it's a relief that we may not do this again. On the other hand, I love my babies with everything I have and would welcome more children. It's a fun conundrum.

My mother is currently visiting, which has been nice. She's here for another week and some change, so we're hoping to get a lot accomplished in the terms of packing and cleaning. We move at the end of the month, so the time creeps up quickly. We're still not 100% sure where we're going to end up. We have a lead on a house in Oak Park, but I'm not sure we're going to get it. It's an awesome place and it would be amazing to have our own house until we can buy one but who knows.

I guess it all works out in the end, eh?

She says it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault....

Lately everything that has gone wrong has felt like it's my fault in some astronomical way.

Our toilet leaked and that was my fault.

Mr. O isn't sleeping so very well and that's my fault.

Mr. O is a holy terror and it's because I'm doing something wrong so again, my fault.

I *know* that it's not my fault. I mean c'mon. I can't directly effect things so much that it's like the world around me is ending. Perhaps it's because I've been reading The Night Circus where everything does rely on 2 characters. Who the heck knows? I can tell you that I've spent most nights in tears because I feel like I'm failing my son.

I'm terrified that I'm going to screw him up.

I'm terrified that I'm going to be at fault if he gets hurt (he has a bruise in his ear...how the hell do you get a bruise in your ear?!)

I'm terrified that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom and that I'm going to ruin all our big plans by failing at this one important thing.

I'm terrified that I'm not going to be motivated enough to get through my classes this semester.

I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to keep us within our budget.

I'm terrified that I'm going to miscarry our new baby.

So I spend a lot of time, banging my head against a wall, trying not to overburden my husband with my pregnancy hormone induced crazy train.

I've got some errands to do today and it's sunny and beautiful and I'm hoping that I'll be able to shake these feelings I woke up with.

I think some Ozzy Osbourne might be necessary today. Spotify, here I come.

525,600 minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

This song has been sticking with me lately. I'm admittedly a major Rent fanatic. But this song...it has always been one of my favorites.

This week, I've really been thinking about this song. One year ago today was my due date. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes.

One week from today, my little boy will be 1 year old. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear.

I look back at the pictures and I'm floored. How can he be so big already? How can his first year of life have passed so fast? But I know that ahead of us is many many more daylights and sunsets and midnights and cups of coffee and I am relieved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6yPSeDlcrI

Teething continues!

My own little mister has a set of 6 teeth now and all signs point to more teeth coming thru.

One thing to note, when attempting to come out of motherhood unscathed is to pay attention to your childs' trends. If I didn't notice the trends, there'd be no way to tell that O is teething.

When teething, O gets an incredibly runny nose and his sleeping habits are thrown way off. About a week ago, O started sleeping thru the night (known thru the mothering world as STTN). It was delightful! Then, about 4 days ago, no dice. He was waking up at least once if not twice during the night. Which is troublesome for any parent, let alone one who works full-time. Then two days ago, I notice his nose is just gushing. (Gushing is, of course, subjective. What is gushing for me may not be gushing for you.) So I look and sure enough, 2 little silver slivers are starting their progress thru his bottom gums. They haven't broken the surface yet so who knows how long this trend will last. The good news? He's already napping longer today than he has the rest of the week!

Top 10 Free Apps for Moms

1. Postino (pad/phone/pod/droid) - FREE Yes, you can always e-mail a cute phone snapshot of the kids to the grandparents. But withPostino, you can send an actual snail-mail postcard of a photo on your phone. Pick your shot, add a border if you like, type an address and a message, sign it with your finger (or have your kid sign it), and press Send. The company prints your custom postcard and mails it. All you have to do is pay the postage.
Tip: For a fun, easy thank-you note that's a cut above e-mail, send a snap of your happy kid with a new toy or a pic of the giver's child having fun at your kid's birthday party.

2. Mom Maps (pad/pod/phone) - If you're getting tired of the same old, same old playdate spots, take a look at Mom Maps to mix up your get-togethers. There are 27 metro areas in the app, with more being added all the time. The app uses your phone's GPS to pinpoint nearby playgrounds, restaurants, and museums, and it vets your choices with parent reviews. Then use Meetup to call a group together.

3. Lucy Phone (pad/pod/phone/droid) - FREE It's always annoying to wait on hold for a customer service rep, but when you're trying to feed a baby or have a toddler who's about to wake up, it's the worst. Good news: LucyPhone can do the waiting for you. Hang up, and LucyPhone will call you back when a real person is on the line. Score one for moms.

4. Fake a Call Free (pad/pod/phone/droid) - FREE If you're heading to a playgroup and you knowthat mom will be there – you know, the one who can't stop bragging about how advanced little Oliver is – you can program Fake-A-Call to ring you. The app can either call you whenever you ask it to or after a designated period of time. Your phone rings as it normally does, handing you a graceful exit.

5. ColorSmart by Behr Mobile (iPhone, iPad, iPod touch) - FREE When you look around your living room and see only toys strewn all over the floor, ColorSmart lets you envision a time when your rooms won't look like mini cyclones have hit them. With the app, you can play decorator, previewing a huge gallery of rooms and altering the colors of the walls and moldings. You can even take a picture of a wall in your house and dress it up in a different color to see how it'd look.

6. Rest Area Finder (iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch) - FREE Pregnant women and mothers of the newly potty-trained, rejoice: Next time you're on the highway, Rest Area Finder will locate the stops closest to you. It also tells you if they have dog walking areas, vending machines, and gas stations.

7. Trip Case (iphones/pad/touch/blackberry, droid) - FREE TripCase keeps track of every piece of information you need for a family trip – from itineraries and confirmation numbers to the locations of restaurants that friends have assured you are worth a stop. Plus, your flight status is updated in real time, so you'll be prepared to occupy restless kids if there's a delay.

8. Dragon Diction (iphones/pad/touch/blackberry) - FREE When Erin Kane, a.k.a. one of the Manic Mommies and a blogger for Real Simple, goes through her mental checklist of to-dos and wants to make sure she doesn't forget anything, she usesDragon Dictation. This genius app uses voice recognition software to transcribe what you say, great for those all-too-common moments when you really can't spare a hand. "When I commute by car, I use Dragon Dictation to draft e-mails, reports, even blog posts," says Erin. "It's super helpful for getting those thoughts down before you forget them."

9. Yap Voicemail (iphone, droid) - FREE Yap transcribes voicemails to text messages (or e-mails), so you can quickly skim the message from your mother-in-law about bringing a dish to Sunday dinner without having to listen to the long, drawn-out message. It's easy to set up and lets you quickly go through your messages at a glance without the hassle of accessing your voicemail.

10. Moms with Apps (iphone/pad/pod) - FREE Yap transcribes voicemails to text messages (or e-mails), so you can quickly skim the message from your mother-in-law about bringing a dish to Sunday dinner without having to listen to the long, drawn-out message. It's easy to set up and lets you quickly go through your messages at a glance without the hassle of accessing your voicemail.

Betcha thought that I was....wait, that's morbid!

Blogging has certainly fallen to the way side with me, as with most everything else. Priority number 1? My little family of course! Orion shared his 1/2 birthday with my own dear mom AND with Valentine's Day! We played all day and then Papa Bear and I went out for a sushi dinner!

My own dear father has been in town for almost 2 weeks. He'll be leaving on Tuesday, but it's been an amazing trip! It's his first visit since Orion was born AND his first trip to California AND his first time visiting me in almost 3 years! It's been spectacular! He flew into LA and got to spend the day there and then has spent the last couple of weeks in San Diego county. And he's gotten to experience a myriad of weather....last night it rained incredibly hard and was VERY windy!

So, here's hoping I can get back to blogging....it's been an intense couple of months, so I'll be posting a few short and sweet blogs to get back on track! Orion is finally entertaining himself for longer stretches of time, so hopefully that means I'll have some time to get some of my own stuff done!

Fresh start...

I figure today is a great day to really dive into this blog. You may be asking why. Why today of all days? What about tomorrow? Or yesterday?

Well, gentle readers, today is my son's 3 month birthday and I'm fairly certain he has started teething!

Up until about 3 days ago, my son was an angel. Well, as much of an angel as an active infant can be. Then he slowly started to turn into a monster....He stopped napping for longer than 20 minutes. He started fussing more. He refused to sleep in his crib. He wanted to nurse all the time. He went from pretty well sleeping thru the night to barely sleeping at night at all. My husband commented on this change in his habits and his mother mentioned a possible answer....is he teething?

So, I opened up my trusty laptop and launched google....and google sent me back some helpful info.

*Most babies begin teething between 4 and 7 months

*Early developing babies may begin to teeth at 3 months and late bloomers may begin teething at 1 year; some babies are born with a tooth already showing!

* They generally appear in this order: bottom two middle, top two middle, then the ones along the sides and back. The last to appear are the second molars which are in the back of the mouth and usually make their appearance by babies second birthday. By age 3, your little one should have his full set of baby teeth - 20 total - and those should hang out until his permanent teeth come in at around age 6.

SYMPTOMS

*drooling (which can lead to a rash on his face)

*swelling and sensitivity of gums

*fussiness

*irritability - the discomfort is usually worse during the first teeth and later when the molars come in because of their bigger size. Babies generally become accustomed to the sensations of teething and learn to live with them; some babies are fussy during whole time that every tooth comes in; each child reacts differently

*biting

*not eating

*not sleeping well

*runny nose

*loose stools - likely caused by swallowing extra saliva, which loosens the stool.

*cheek rubbing and ear pulling - the discomfort may travel to the ears and cheeks, particularly when the back molars begin coming in. Keep in mind tho, that pulling at an ear can also be a sign of an ear infection

*fever

**Not all symptoms are agreed upon by doctors and if you see something that worries you, you should IMMEDIATELY call your doctor. Some of these symptoms may be other things, like an ear infection.

What can I do to ease my baby's discomfort?

It is strongly recommended that you contact your pediatrician before doing any of the below

*Give him something to chew on...a rubber teething ring or cold washcloth or if he's doing solids, cold foods like apple sauce, pureed peaches or yogurt can help

*Give him a hard unsweetened teething cracker, such as zwieback (no carrots...they're a choking hazard)

*A cold bottle or cup of water (if they're old enough)

*rub a clean finger gently but firmly over his gums

*if none of the above are working, try a small dose of children's pain reliever such as infants' acetaminophen - BUT CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE GIVING YOU BABY ANY MEDICATION. NEVER give your baby aspirin or even rub it on his gums to ease the pain. The use of aspirin in children is associated with Reye's syndrome, a rare but potentially life-threatening condition

*Using a topical pain relief gel (like baby orajel) is also an option, but again, consult with your doctor. If you use too much, it can numb the back of your baby's throat and weaken his gag reflex (which helps prevent him from choking on his saliva). In rare cases, babies are allergic

If the drool causes a rash on his face, wipe (don't rub) the drool with a soft cloth. Petroleum jelly on his chin before a nap or bedtime can protect the skin from further irritation.

Intro

Welcome to my blog! How about I tell you just a little bit about myself?

I'm a first time mom...my son was born on 8/14/10 and my husband and I just adore him.

I'm a wife...my husband and I have been together for 10 years, but just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary in September.

I'm an artist....I attended Columbia College Chicago and received my degree in Theatre: Performance. I'm also a costume designer, production designer, sometimes-makeup artist, scrapbooker, knitter and seamstress.

I'm a writer...I maintain a few blogs and am working on a novel and a screenplay.

I'm a working stiff...I work 40+ hrs from home in market research.

I'm a seeker....I'm incredibly interested in all aspects in a lot of things. One thing this blog will be used for is my seeking.

What am I seeking? I'm seeking answers....as a first time mom, I'm learning as I go. This will be a place where I can share what I'm learning. I'm also interested in becoming a midwife/doula/hypnobirthing coach. In truth, I'm searching for me.

The birth of my son was an exhausting one. I spent 53 hours in labor...53 hours from the beginning of the contractions to when my son was in my arms. I had planned a water birth with a birthing center. I spent 36 hours in back labor, at which point I was admitted to the hospital and given an epidural. 17 hours later my son was born. So my birth wasn't what I had planned.

24 hours later, my son and I went home...where we began to breastfeed. I was given no release instructions and no help with lactation. My mother in law came to stay for a week 2 days later...and my mother came to stay a week after that. The advice and instruction I received told me to supplement my sons' eating with formula, since he wasn't gaining weight. I almost destroyed my supply and I definitely destroyed my confidence in myself. So that wasn't what I had planned.

At my 6 weeks post partum visit, I was informed that I hadn't fully healed. There was still a tear and a hole. The doctor who delivered my son didn't tell me anything about my delivery or how to heal. I guessed that I had 11 stitches based on the nurse counting bloody wads of cloth. I learned an herbal way to promote the healing. 2 weeks later, I had a visit with a CNM who is to be my gynocologist who finally told me that everything was healed and gave me the first real information since my child was born.

So that's a brief synopsis of my story....stay tuned to find out more!